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stop screaming
Dear Sages

How To Stop Screaming At The Ones You Love

Dear Sages,

I am just a raging bitch. Everyone and everything is pissing me off. I scream at my kids and husband at even the slightest thing that displeases me.

Afterwards I feel terrible.

I do apologize but I can see that I’ve already done damage. They are all walking around on eggshells, afraid to set me off. What can I do?

Signed, Bitch on Wheels

Dear BOW,

First, let us say that we are proud of you for so clearly identifying the issue and not launching into some defense about what they’ve done to make you mad. We would agree with you; you are the problem. But insert hug HERE.

You don’t say how old you are but we’re guessing that since you are a subscriber, you have self selected yourself to be in MidLife. So for starters, let’s get a little real about this stage in our lives. We are not giving you an excuse but you may need to address a fundamental issue with your doctor. None of us like to admit it but you may be hormonal and SOME of this reactionary behavior may be out of your control. Do yourself a favor and go for a simple blood test.

THEN… STOP.

JUST STOP.

Look, we know husbands and children (at any age) are a huge pain in the ass and are the impediments to the fulfilling, orderly life we all imagined we’d be having. And we’re giving you that. BUT, you are fully capable of controlling your response to all the irritating things they say and do.

The big question is how.

And our answer is simple but infuriating; respond, don’t react.

Say that again with us.

Respond, don’t react.

It’s going to take practice. You have to catch yourself in that moment of rage. Try touching each of your fingers to your thumbs to give you something to focus on while you collect your emotions and thoughts. Throw in a good deep breath.

Then, and only then when you are refocused, respond to the issue. Calmly, rationally and thoughtfully. You’ll will be shocked at how much calmer you feel on a day to day basis and how peaceful your home feels without those “eggshells” underfoot. Your family will also be more likely to change the behaviors that you are finding irritating.

Of course don’t think it will change overnight. They probably have a little PTSD from your lunatic ranting. Prove their current opinion of you wrong by making RESPONSES, not REACTIONS your norm.

xo, Your Sages

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