online friends are not enough
Dear Sages

Online Friends Are Not Enough

Dear Sages,

I realized tonight the thing I miss is friends. I had them before marriage and throughout motherhood, but now I realize that truthfully, my “friends” are only online on Facebook or Instagram. They either are people I know in town but don’t see anymore because the kids are grown or they are my friends “back home” or college friends in another city.

I work full time but have no desire to hang with the office “chicks”. I’m in a position of authority and quite a bit older than most of the workforce. I spend my “free time” with my husband but we mostly just sit around and watch tv because we are exhausted from our day. My children are either in college or newly graduated. Thankfully/sadly, none of them live at home anymore.

I miss female camaraderie in person. How can I make friends again?

Sincerely, Lonesome Dove

Dear Dove,

For most of our lives, we’ve had built-in friend opportunities; school when we’re young, then school communities for those of us that raised children. Some people are even adept at managing friendships in the workplace. We’re a little conditioned to believe that friends are a just add water thing. Truth is, as grown-ups, it takes effort.

For starters, how about you make an effort with the ladies in town that you used to see? You can’t just sit around waiting for a footman to arrive with an engraved invitation. Why not host a “reunion” of sorts as an excuse to rekindle those friendships? We bet you’re not the only one missing that group.

You might also try networking with professional women in your industry at your same level. LinkedIn is a totally acceptable way to reach out to colleagues. Your shared professional background is the perfect foundation for friendship.

This is also an opportunity to uncover or unleash a hidden desire or rekindle an old passion. It’s a great way to find people with interests similar to yours and that’s a strong basis for a friendship. As an example, one of our Sages loved horseback riding when she was a kid so she started again. Turns out that at 46, she’s one of the youngest at the barn. It took her almost two years to break into “the group” but she’s (almost) there.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and ask someone you like for a “date”. Coffee or lunch, whatever! If they don’t take you up on your offer, their loss. Don’t be discouraged. You’ll find your people. In the meantime, you’ve got the MiddleSages community to include in your online clique and we’re happy to be your bud.

xo, Your Sages

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